SMH on Parenting

A new study in the United Kingdom has found that children whose parents take a "tough love" approach are better prepared to achieve in life.

The research by think tank Demos tracked the lives of 9,000 families over eight years.

The head of the research team, Sonia Sodha, says the tough love style of parenting combines warmth and discipline, and is far more important in a child's success than parents' income or social background.

"Parents are able to set rules, apply them consistently and fairly and that means that children know what the boundaries are to their behaviour," she said.

Ms Sodha says tough love parenting helps children to develop key skills such as emotion control and empathy.

"They are skills that we've termed character capabilities, and what I mean when I say that is skills like self-regulation, so being able to regulate your own emotions in difficult circumstances," she said.

"Skills like empathy, say being able to understand how other people are feeling - which is a really key skill for being able to develop good relationships with others - and skills like applications, so children being able to concentrate on the task, to be able to motivate themselves.

"This set of character capabilities are the skills that are really important in enabling children to make the most of school when they get there."


Wealthy parents

Ms Sodha said the research showed wealthier parents were likely to use the tough love parenting style.

"Parents from poor backgrounds, wealthy backgrounds, average backgrounds, they are just as likely to show warmth and affection to their children," she said.

"Where we notice the difference however was in terms of discipline, so in the ability of parents to set rules and apply them consistently. And what we found was that was a more common trait amongst parents from wealthier backgrounds."

Ms Sodha says several factors contribute to the trend.

"The first I think is the changing nature of society," she said.

"We all know we are becoming increasingly consumerist ... and if you look at the amount of direct advertising that is directed at children, that has gone up a lot in previous years.

"And what this advertising tends to do is target children to get them to pester their parents for particular goods and items, and that makes it very difficult for some parents to say no."


Family structure

Ms Sodha says a second factor is the combination of income and family structures.

"They probably all do impact on parenting style, so we know that if you are a parent who is parenting alone or if you are a poor parent, you are under a lot more stress than a wealthier parent or someone who is parenting as part of a supportive couple, so that also is important I think," she said.

Ms Sodha also says the study does not aim to tell parents exactly what they should do in every situation.

"That won't work and government doesn't know best," she said.

"What we think the implications are is that government should be ensuring that early years services ... need to be geared to helping parents develop the skills they need in order to be able to give their kids the best start in life possible."