Welch on Counsel

Ed Welch encourages us to use 'six words' in counselling:

My interest is not that six-word summaries become a law. But, as a trainer of counselors, I want students to be able to summarize themselves in an image or in six-words, and I want them to be able to do the same thing with a person they are helping in such a way that the person says, “That’s me!” If counselors can’t do that, they don’t really know the person.

People who need help often feel overwhelmed with their emotions, and part of being overwhelmed is that life feels like thousands of fragments. They have lost any coherence and don’t even know where to begin. A succinct summary can provide clarity and set a clear course. It can identify those things that are most important. As such, six-words, when they both fit the person and link clearly to Scripture, are filled with hope.

Jesus said, “Do you love me?” No doubt it echoed in Peter’s mind, and our own, for years.

The apostle Paul offered four words, “Christ and him crucified.”

The apostle John? “Love, as you have first been loved.” (Yes, I know that’s seven words but you get the point –it’s succinct and full of meaning.)

A friend was grieved that her pastor was leaving for another position. As she spoke about how the pastor had blessed her, she recounted stories of her going to his office, pouring her heart out for a half-hour, and him offering a handful or two of words that demonstrated he heard well, that he loved her in Christ, and that there was clear hope in the good news that Jesus had given.

Consider your own story. When has the Spirit used the words of other people? Granted, the Spirit can use all kinds of words in ways we don’t perceive, but there are times when we can identify those words, and there usually aren’t many of them.

Here are some that I have received.

“What do you think it means that God is in this?”

“I am so sorry.”

“What you said hurt me.”

“I love you.”

Here are some that have impacted others.

“I remember that your spouse died two years ago today. You are on my heart.”

“Did you know that you hate _____?”

“Join us for lunch.”

“I know this: Jesus loves you, right now.”

“I love you.”

Help in six words. By the way, this doesn’t include the words we use praying with the other person. If you can’t offer this kind of help to someone, make it a joint project. Let him or her come up with the six words. Then hear six-words from Jesus that go right to the heart.

Challies on Idol of Communication

Idols are typically good things that seek to become ultimate things. Communication is just the kind of good thing, the kind of very good thing, that can so easily become an ultimate thing. How would we know that there is an idol in our lives? It may be the kind of thing we look at right before we go to sleep and the first thing we give attention to when we wake up. It may be the kind of thing that keeps us awake even in the middle of the night. A 2010 study by Oxygen Media and Lightspeed Research sampled the the habits of 1,605 young adults. The researchers found that one third of women between the ages of 18 and 34 check Facebook when they first wake up, before they even head to the bathroom; 21% check it in the middle of the night; 39% of them declare that they are addicted to Facebook.

We might also know we serve an idol when it is something we carry around with us at all times. A Pew Research study found, not surprisingly, that cell phone use is nearly ubiquitous today. Three-quarters of teens and 93% of adults between ages 18 and 29 now have a cell phone. Cell phone use has grown substantially among pre-teens so that 58% of 12-year-olds now own one. Lisa Merlo is a University of Florida psychiatrist who studies digital addictions—addictions to the Internet and other technologies. She finds that for a growing number of people the need to be in constant communication is so powerful that they cannot even turn off their cell phones in order to sit through a two-hour movie. Their obsession with their phones resembles any other form of addiction. “As with traditional addictions, excessive cell phone use is associated with certain hallmark patterns of behavior, including using something to feel good, building up a tolerance and needing more of it over time to get the same feeling, and going through withdrawal if deprived of it.” Meanwhile a recent Japanese study found that children with cell phones tend not to make friendships with children who do not have them. And all of this is really just the tip of the iceberg. Communication is just what we do today.

By all appearances we have made communication into a kind of cultural idol. In most cases it is not Facebook or the cell phone that is the idol. Instead, they serve as enablers, as enhancers, of the greater idol of communication. Christians have proven to be far from immune to this idol, from following along as the culture around us becomes obsessed with communication and dedicates vast amounts of time and resources to it. Christians will do well to remember that in God’s economy communication is but a means to the far greater, far more noble end of enjoying God so we can bring glory to him. Communication can detract from this purpose just as easily as it can serve this purpose.

When words serve God, they draw hearts to what is of greatest importance. Such words are full of meaning, full of life. When words serve an idol, they distract, they damage, they focus on quantity over quality. Thus words call us not just to use them sinlessly, but to use them to share what is substantial, to say what is best, to encourage, to bless. In an age that can be almost unbearably light, frustratingly anti-intellectual, woefully unspiritual, words have the ability to draw people to what matters most.

Mark Driscoll on Preaching

Hard words produce soft people, and soft words produce hard people.